What is Failure?: Cloudy.diamonds

Cloudy.diamonds

This website is Cloudy.diamonds by Ben Huot

My Life

When a general devises a strategy for a war, they can only plan the first part, because everything in the war afterwards has to take into account what the enemy will do, which is unknown because the enemy doesn't know how you will respond to what they do. Life is like this too. You can make all the good choices you can, but you never know what life will give you.

I was going to go to college and become an international business manager for distribution. Things changed very much for me in the next few years after high school that changed the direction of my life forever. I never would have guessed I would be doing what I am now or living now before then.

What is failure and what is success? This website was founded on absolute failure. I left the military early, I did poorly in college and wasn't able to finish. Then I found out I was mentally ill since the military, after my psychotic episode.

I have a very short official work history, so that while I believe everyone contributes equally by merely working their job for money, I want to contribute as well. I have tried to work with local non-profits, but they have not worked out because I could never do anything that felt significant to me. I do my writing as a kind of volunteer work to help make a contribution to society in lieu of my working. I realize this is not required or expected of me by anyone.

I have kept in a repeating cycle of learning to rest and take it easy and then working hard to document that. I don't plan on giving up writing, but I do plan on doing less in the future and feeling less like I need to do more.

20 years later I have published many important books, even though I only started it to share poetry with my uncle. I plan little ahead on what I am going to add to my website or books. I am not sure what I have accomplished or not is worthy of calling my work a success.

Websites are just so much work to do now. I think we have reached a critical point where computer security really needs to be addressed on a much more profound level and must be resolved to a certain degree, or the entire world system could easily collapse on itself (sooner than it would otherwise). I still want to share my writings with others, but I need to find a way to make it easier to do and less error prone.

There is only so much I can do in life as I am mentally ill and dealing with that alone is a huge deal and accomplishment in and of itself. I especially want to be able to document what I learn about Schizophrenia so that others can learn without having to learn by experience.

The Industry

In a business, you can do everything right and then things change that are out of your control and then you lose your business. We are in a position now globally where there is no growth anymore. This does not mean everything will stop, but everyone will have the same wealth or less over time, averaged out. People have bought the last things they needed years go and the iPhone was the last thing people wanted to buy that made more than peanuts.

Everybody today wants to sell something to make extra money, but nobody wants to buy anything. Electronics are dirt cheap, but no one has a job anymore. Online stores like Amazon.com are now putting out of business physical stores. Everybody wants to either become the next Amazon or Google or give up.

Computers continue to reduce the need for jobs by automating them. Businesses also need less and less people to make the programs over time as well and now everybody wants to be a programmer. If you want to sell something, you have to get people to upgrade and survive the big name players copying you and putting you out of business. The internet helped the lunatic fringe at first but is now going to help the big technology companies solidify their market control.

Right now there are some huge changes going on the technology industry. There are now two sets of people in developing website: the ones that create the software that runs them and those who assemble the pre-made parts together. There is very little design work available, because businesses generally don't care about design because it is considered unnecessary, pretty, and takes a lot of time to do right (although users care very much about this).

Everybody now just copies the stuff Google, Facebook, Amazon and the like do. In design, the middle has disappeared and so you either use a child's toy tools on the iPad or iPhone, or the mega-complicated, old, and unreliable Adobe software on Windows. The other choice is to just write the whole design in an elaborate program yourself using hundreds of different interlinked programs.

There are huge problems in how to make money off websites as well. Advertising or in app purchases worked for a while, but there is so much junk out there that only the biggest names/ established players survive. Advertising is being blocked because the ads are out of control and makes the websites unusable. They cannot charge for access as few people will pay making the amount they have to charge ridiculous.

They never should have offered services for free. People like me are offering better quality for free. People are now making money off our personnel information and connecting the digital world to the physical one to track everything we think or do anywhere.

These same companies are constantly having this personnel information stolen, because of poor choices in building their software to save money up front and saving money by not maintaining them. Even those that aren't cheap, and do all the right things security wise are affected by the leading security software being full of holes.

Avoiding Pain in This Life

The best thing in life to me is to avoid suffering when possible. Be responsible and follow rules (including the Ten Commandments) and common sense, because that will enable you to control the problems that you bring to your life – the only ones that you can fully control. Keep taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Eat lots of vegetables, take all medicines as prescribed, go to counseling, volunteer, and keep reading the Bible, praying, and going to church.

In general, thinking long term is the key to making good decisions. Bad signs include doing things in secret or you have a bad feeling about it. If you are not sure of the morality of a particular decision, don't do it. Always side on caution and use your conscience.

Avoid anything you don't want to tell your mother about and stay away from anything addictive. Avoid anything too good to be true or something that comes too easy. Nothing is free and everything costs something.

Keep learning as much as possible and find joy in it. Be as self sufficient as possible. Never rely on anyone for anything you can do yourself.

Keep busy doing something productive (like a job), work hard at it and give it your best, to keep yourself out of trouble. Always keep a huge amount of savings on hand and always allow extra time to do things. Always obey authorities who rule over you without complaining.

Try not to anger other people, because they might be vindictive later on. Remain as anonymous and unimportant as possible so as not to get unnecessary or unusual attention of criminals, the government, or angry neighbors. Do not trust anything someone says or how they appear for anyone asking for money or personnel information from you.

Be careful not to break things, especially other people's things and even more other living things. Never loan anything to others – give or don't. Forgiving others sounds hard, but it is harder to stay angry. You should forgive others for yourself not for them, just as God wants us to stay away from sin for us, not for Him.

It is good to have others like you, it is better to like yourself, and best of all God already likes you no matter who or where you are in life. It is good to care, better to empathize, but greatest of all is to forgive and love unconditionally. Is is good to take care of yourself, better to take care of your family, but best to take care of your everlasting life.

Avoiding Pain in the Next Life

You will find in life you serve God or the devil as there is really no option to serve yourself. It is actually a great honor that God still cares and wants us to be His children, even though we brought suffering into the paradise He created.

Avoiding unnecessary suffering by ending up in Heaven rather than Hell can be achieved by through a complete change of heart and submitting your will to God's. This is not demanding or abusive as God is not a person and is actually our Creator. Emperors and leaders of vast religions have submitted themselves before God throughout all of history.

The important thing to realize is that life is a kind of waiting room, where what happens afterwards makes what happened before hand largely irrelevant. Life is like being in the womb and death is like being born. Just like they say to middle and high school kids to just stick with the program and then most of life will be much better. Just as we live the vast majority of our lives as adults, so life on earth is really a very small part of our entire life which will be everlasting after death.

So do not worry about what you achieve on earth, because you will do so much more in Heaven. You will look at the greatest things people accomplished on earth like middle school science projects or like still putting on their resume what they did in elementary school when they are over 40. Just get your key to Heaven and try to find something constructive to do in life, to pass the time.

We are all born once, are all called to be born again, and will all live forever. Heaven is free but it will cost you your pride. God will forgive you for anything, but the catch is you have to truly be sorry for it, change who you are and submit yourself to God wholly. You also have to forgive everyone else, no matter what they do to you or those you love.

I once found it difficult to deal with many people on the bus, but after several encounters, I think that others see me as a bus person now, too. I thought of complaining about the smell of pot on the bus but realized that I might smell bad sometimes too.

It is not very good to be hypocritical about anything in life, especially not for someone who tries to follow any philosophy or moral code. Jesus did not like hypocrites and unbelievers and believers alike feel the same. It is extremely bad for the spread of Christianity.