The Collapse (Being Exhausted as a Person with Schizophrenia): Benjamin-Newton.com and Cloudy.diamonds

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What does it mean to be as tired as a person with Schizophrenia?
Like a marathon runner who cannot drink any water
While he thirsts beyond measure
Like a soldier crawling through the sand and mud
On his belly everyday without kneepads
Like a wrestler starving and dehydrating himself
For the next competition
Like an addict on his last binge
Like when you drink too much
And only make it back to the bathroom just in time
Like a fan waiting days in life for
Tickets to his favorite band in his town
Like a boy scout after spending all day putting up tents
Finally able to sit down after dark

When you can sleep all day
And still be tired
A kind of weariness that goes down to the bone
When you have to pry your eyes open
To stay awake
When you can barely accomplish
Just one thing a day

When you cannot keep from running into things
And your hand shaking uncontrollably
When you have a hard time getting up in time
To go to the bathroom when you are asleep
When you cannot trust your attention
Long enough to heat your dinner
When you are so tired you cannot unwind enough to get to sleep
Like when you have been fasting or staying awake for 3 days straight

When it is stressful just to listen
To the words of a song
When waiting an hour for a movie is painful
When you cannot sit through a class you enjoy
When you cannot stay awake long enough
To finish watching your favorite show
When you cannot stay alert long enough to play a board game
When you are too tired to complete a paper craft

Like after taking long walks in the rain
And having to wear the same clothes that whole day
Like when going on a diet where all you can eat is salad
When you do not have enough patience to take care of a plant
When you realize it is the medicine that makes you too tired
To remember to take the medicine

Cloudy.diamonds by Ben Huot

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