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Benjamin-Newton.com and Cloudy.diamonds Books Online in Parts by Ben Huot

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Complete Psychological Topics 6

by Ben Huot

June 9, 2020

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Table of Contents

First Things

For More Information

For more books and information, visit me on the web at http://benjamin-newton.com/

Feel free to send me e-mail regarding the books and website at mailto:ben@benjamin-newton.com I even enjoy constructive criticism

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Two Websites - One Person

Welcome, visting human, pet, toy, or automated software.

I have created these websites to introduce you to my philosophy, the School of the Stuffed Toy. I am its first student, Zenjamin (or Ben Huot), the Not Guru of the Cloudy Diamonds. The ultimate goal of this school of philosophy it to achieve the same relaxation as that of the stuffed toy. My stuffed toy bear Fred says I don't have Schizophrenia, but he does.

But, on the serious side, my website is designed to stimulate free thinking as I never did nor never will want to be a leader or even opinion leader. What I want is for you to take responsibility for your own ideas and refrain from merely recycling my own.

My writing is very religious, and biblical, (much of it is poetry) but it has something extra to it. Some people call this Zen (more precisely it is Philosophical Taoism) combined with my understanding of Christian Existentialism. I also incorporate ideas from other great mystical thinkers from the ancient, premodern, and early modern historical periods that I feel don't contradict the Bible. Most of these writings can be distributed as long as you do not change anything, according to their individual creative commons licenses.

I also have created a large collection of vector graphics by myself over the last 2 decades. I allow people to use and create variations on some of these, provided they follow the corresponding creative commons licenses. I have even experimented with some simple arrangements of royalty free music I bought previously.

I have done the entire website myself and am almost entirely self taught using mostly freely available resources of the Internet. I have changed it very frequently since July 1998. I have now given away the base code I use for it, that does all the "boring stuff" behind the scene things like typography and layout. The one condition is you give me credit somewhere for it (a comment in the code is enough), according to the creative commons license referred to there.

I also have Schizophrenia since I was enlisted in the regular US Army for a little over a year. I have lived with this mental illness, for over 20 years now, mostly living on my own, but with great help from my family, continually taking my medicine and having God in my life. I have written about this as well for those encountering similar issues as well as those with loved ones with similar diagnoses. It would have really helped me if I had this information, when I was first diagnosed with Schizophrenia, in December 1999.

Theater Parabola

If no one speaks for God
Then creation speaks for God

If the most important thing to do
Is to express our individuality
Why does the expression of God not count

If He is the creator
And the world is His canvas
Then we are His brushes

Do you want your mic talking back to you
Do you want your pen writing things wrong
It is as irrational to think of God as being unimportant
Then to think of the artist as unimportant

Why is His creative vision
Less important than yours

Like a computer program designed to be malicious
It appears the same as a wanted program
Because they do similar things
The difference is the intent

So it is with people
We all want to express ourselves
Which is normal and natural
But at what cost
And for what purpose

Art is useless if it has no meaning
Life is meaningless if it has no relation to its Creator

We think of God as a force in the world
But what if He were also as human as us
The real mystery of God is His mercy
Not His exercises of judgement

None of us would cooperate
With our employees not doing their jobs
If we tolerated it we would pay them virtually nothing

We are created for a purpose
Life does have meaning
The point of creation is to glorify God
The center of our world is God

And He rules in our world
It may not be obvious to us
And we have been given a lot of freedom
But God is the ultimate controller of the show

He is author, director, producer, and actor
Without Him there is no show

The storyline goes like this
The story God wrote, directed, and produced
Had a change in the hearts of its actors

No one revolted outwardly
And everyone played their parts
But not as the writer intended

They thought their ideas were essential and frankly better
They thought they could get paid more
If they compromised the vision and
Introduced new elements to enhance the show

These elements were all
Bought and paid for by the advertisers
Eventually there became so many compromises
To satisfy the advertisers
The writer was in danger of abandoning the show

But instead of dissolving the show
He bought out all the advertising
He then actually lost money on the show
Soon people realized He never made the show to make money
The actor then started conspiracy theories to explain this

What they didn’t yet realize that the writer
Was also one of the actors as well
He knew what would happen from the beginning
But wrote the show anyway

The advertisers thought they could just outbid the creator
But no matter how much they sold out to the advertisers
The writer would just cut a bigger check

This came to a showdown
The play was not going to be produced

The advertisers finally decided
The play could not be changed enough to justify the cost
So they cut their funding entirely

The actors were desperate to keep the show going
As this was their lives
The creator then welcomed them back
All He wanted was for the play to be true to its message

And then the actors realized there was no audience
And their parts perfectly reflected
Their personalities, dreams, and desires

They had been looking for a way to express themselves
But they didn’t need to do anything special
To realize this goal

Flu Fears Continue

The other day I was in a furniture store
Just opened after the flu scare of 2020
An 80 year old woman was afraid to come in
I remember being terrified everyday in the military
It probably gave me the energy to function

I cannot imagine someone being afraid of a flu
I am afraid of many things none of which
The entire society would shut down to help me with
And at least I have a diagnosis that explains this
And I am one of the lucky veterans - I have a home

I remember living in a retirement home in my 20s
One new lady asked what she would do
With all her free time now
She was taken out in a stretcher
Less than a month later
There was a fireman, police, officer, or medic there every day

It shows the enormous arrogance
Of the entire modern world
That thinks they can control
The entire natural world and even death
Just because they can manipulate other people
Into giving them wealth and power

To be afraid of death is a critical part
Of what defines we are sentient
But there are many more terrifying things
That can happen to you worse than death
Most of them are unlikely to happen to you
If you are an American citizen and not in the military

This disease has affected us more than
9/11 or the great recession of 2008
Because this time the rich and powerful
Were at the same level of risk as everyone else

These are the same kind of people
That gambled away entire economies
Like the royalty did before the French Revolution

And send their citizens off to the wars
That the US fought since Korea
That both sides and even the entire world
Are all worse off because of

Everyone dies but we go to different places

An American Citizen

Where do you go
When you already live
In the best place on earth
Why travel or move
When everywhere else is worse

Taking this opportunity
To take the greatest journey
Through history and art
Through music and thought
Through family and relationships
Learning more from God
Than I could through experience
Learning more from thinking
Than from seeing everything

I gather the pain in the world
It is true I never went far
But I feel pain too
In many ways I live in paradise
I have a home and eat well
I just lost my mind
But that brings pain as well
I am physically fine
But that is not the only way people suffer

Best thing is that I am useless
I am unimportant enough to be safe
I have nothing anyone else would want
In possession, position, or power
I basically do not exist
In the grand scheme of things

As they say
The Internet is the best place to hide something
There is no point in shouting if no one will listen

With no connections to anyone important
And no one to have influence over
I don't even have the power of a pet owner
I don't even discipline my stuffed toys

I struggle with many things that are very real to me
But these are not significant to anyone else
If you have little you are safer
Than those who have much

So many resources are available today so cheaply
There is little point in being more than just
An American citizen

King and Queen

King of Hearts
Queen of Spades

If you lose yourself
To find yourself
If life only matters
In royal service
Who do you fight
And who do you trust

If choosing one
Means offending the other
You cannot please both
But if the choice
Is between joy and misery
Don’t you already have the answer
One will dig your grave
The other will be the love of your life

On the board of chess
The King can only move one space
And the Queen anywhere
But only the King matters in the end
Victory goes to the King always

We are only pawns or peons
We struggle with the knights and bishops
In our daily lives

But what if the King shared his moves
With all the peons
What if they could all become knights
And live on after crossing the board

Maybe the Queen is the problem
Maybe she is only a bishop
And just has delusions of grandeur

Each move goes towards one set of events
One act leads to others
And a course is set
There are only so many moves left
You can find yourself cornered
Before you know it

If only we knew all the possibilities
Would we make all the same choices
But if we knew the ending
Would we try the same gameplay
And would we find success

The possibilities are limitless
But in the end all that matters
Is the heart of the King
And how you make it
To the other side of the board

Each step builds the other
And determines who you are
But the ending is decided in a moment
And you can reflect so long you lose your turn

Each will be forced to make a move in the end
Sometimes in the very first move
The game pace and strategy is set

Other times the entire board shifts
And the game itself is transformed
Then you are no longer playing chess

And then not even a game
Then you are all alone
And it is just you, the King, and the Queen

Do What You Know is Right

This last week people have been destroying local businesses in my town
In protest for police being too violent to African American citizens
While I support many aspects of this cause and feel the frustration
I do not believe this is one of the right ways to do it

I am a mentally ill person and do not trust the police
I think our country is going in a bad direction
We are the head of a world police state
And we are creating a literal hell on earth
Through our over consumption and waste generation
We only seem to care about how to make the rich richer
At the expense of the vast majority of the world
The Modern World is the work of the devil
And humans are what is destroying the world

If you think a revolution will make things better
Consider what groups might take over
Racist groups, secret societies, cults, and organized crime
The likelihood of overthrowing a society is null
And that is the relatively easy part

Many people would want a revolution
But afterwards no one agrees on what the result should be
In the Iranian revolution everyone thought it would be a democracy

The reality is just like it is today
So will it be in the future with any kind of government
Any government is set up where a few people run everything
And only the meanest people will get into power
Because they will do anything to win
Most will be cruel because it is easier and more predictable
To govern through fear than through love

The poor and persecuted will be hit the hardest
Most of the common people will suffer for many years
Some of the worst suffering occurs during wars and because of wars
The only ones that really win are the rich who sell the weapons
War impoverishes nations and the poor will get even poorer
Then someone likely worse will get into power

If you really want change
Focus on the leaders of the country
Bug them constantly
Through emails, phone calls, and tweets
Camp out across from the White House
Write about change
Be consistent and united in your message
Always vote out every incumbent every time

Network like you never have before
Find what motivates the leaders
And apply pressure there
Find allies politically and act as one
Commit to doing this no matter what
This is a job that will last the rest of your life
And take an entire generation to turn the tide

A much faster way would be to pray for God's will
Why should the conservatives keep God to themselves
The Bible makes sense more from a liberal perspective
Read the Prophets and you will understand God is a liberal too

The one thing we have control over is our own lives
Make the best of this short time you are on earth
The greatest change you can hope for is self improvement
There is nothing more challenging and effective
Than being willing to change your own mind and behavior

Find hope in your own personal liberation
Make your dwelling the best it can be
Do the best you can at your job
Be kind to every living thing
Spend your money wisely
Invest in people instead of things
And consume as little as possible

Find God where you are now
Deal with the inevitable ending of your life
Be at peace with everyone
Do not allow others set your agenda
Be true to your values
Teach others to do the same
Document what you have learned in your life
Document what is going wrong today

Accept the things you cannot change
And change the things you can
And pray for the grace to know the difference

Virtues of Doubt

How can a person of faith
Be full of doubts

Doubt is the beginning of faith
For faith must start with honesty
And we are not born with faith
Because faith is a choice

We must always doubt ourselves
Because to have faith in oneself
Is a sure route to failure and heartbreak

Having self doubt is a strength
Everyone except God will fail you
At times you will fail yourself

How sad what it be to believe only in yourself
But faith is a process not an outcome
Faith is the process of getting to know God

In this world we require proof
For the basis of our civilization
In every one of our interactions
The modern world is based on controlled doubt

But doubt is useful in building faith too
For doubt is humility in intellectual matters
To say you do not doubt in your beliefs
Is to say you equal God in wisdom

Be careful on what you claim to know
For you will quickly find
You can be sure of very little in life

Overextending our faith into human ideologies
Happens when you tie faith too closely to politics
What happens when your faith is shattered
In your human leaders as they always fail

Doubt can literally save your life
It saved my mind because I doubted reality itself
And this allowed me to seek and accept treatment

To be too sure of yourself is a form of pride
The surest way to prevent pride
Is to understand how little you know
Which is also a sign you have a love of learning

Doubt protects from more than just pride
It allows you to see faith from another point of view
And to only believe in what is essential
We need faith on God
Not because we do not understand
Nor do we need more proof of His existence

Faith is choosing to obey God
In obeying God, we follow human laws too
But we are still to doubt the human doctrines of the world

God is thinking on another level
To say you understand even the Bible fully
Is to say you are equal to God

In existentialism we are never fully sure of ourselves
As it is in other schools of philosophy
This doubt allows us to critically think
About why we make the decisions we do
And take full responsibility for our choices

Existentialism is falsely accused of allowing people
To invent their own ethics that change with their moods
In Existentialism, every decision you make is universal
It forces you to admit that you are making choices
Even when you follow a code of ethics

Existentialism teaches that we create our own futures
By the choices we make
A person is not a rock
A person isn’t fully created until they die

Whether we want to admit to or not
All of us know what is right and wrong
No matter if it is written down anywhere or not
To doubt the doctrine of your church
Is not the same as doubting the resurrection of Christ

In any study of theology
We have to ruthlessly stop our pride
From allowing us to be blind to our limitations
That is the problem with any theology
Or tradition or decision of church authorities
That claims to be on par with the Bible

To the extent that we can not question it
Theology is a necessary evil
Because Scripture speaks for itself
And the point of all life and Christianity specifically
Is the glorification of God
And the redemption of the entire human race
One person at a time as individuals
Of all who are willing to follow God
Theology is not what we worship
But a living God

Ultimately what God calls us to do
We will do whether we like it or not
Believers and unbelievers alike

Think about how the Apostle Paul
Was forced to lead the Church
Even as he was one its greatest enemies
At the time of his salvation

So even when you church leaders fail you
Or you come to see another church
As being more faithful to Scripture
Make sure your faith is in God
And not His servants
One will fail you and the other will not

Allow there to be a distinction
Between what one believer says
And what God says in the Bible
This will save your heart
As well as your soul

Doubt people and doubt yourself
Have faith in God regardless
As He never loses faith in you

(When you doubt God pray for faith
And continue reading the Bible
And meet with other Christians
Your faith will return)

Proven Strength

Today many people's conception of masculinity
Is what others would call misogyny
Real men are strong in non-stereotypical ways
That are exemplified by Christ and soldiers
It comes down to inward vs. outward strength
And wise use of talents vs. creating enemies

Who is the strongest of all
None less than God Himself
What were His greatest acts
Creation and Redemption of us

Creativity is one of the greatest mental abilities
That a person can wield power with
It is the kind of thing the military trains its elite forces to do
Creativity won the war for the Allies in World War II
And the innovations of NAZI Germany won us the Cold War
And it is a suppression of creativity
That will ultimately not allow modern Chinese world dominance

Discipline is what allowed Western Europe to dominate most of the world for centuries
This is how the US fights and wins wars
Every major Army training program is infantry dominated
It is always a trial by fire exercise where the objective is to not give up

The Army wants you strong but not as an individual
The Army hates individuality because it wins best by using the entire team
The Army realizes it gets more out of its soldiers when they feed them well
We invest more in training and support than any other military

We do not win because we can out shoot or are willing to lose more people
For the enlisted soldier on the ground winning happens because our country supports us better
This mostly happens because we have more money
And it is obviously relative to our enemies’ situation

So what does this have to do with God
God supports His people better than any other religion does
Because He created us and lived as one of us
He sent His Holy Spirit to dwell within us
He created a community for us in the form of the Church
This is why Christianity is the most geographically and culturally diverse religion
As well as the most popular religion in numbers of believers on earth today

The breakdown in the unity of the Church is not a weakness
The Church today is composed of one spiritual entity and many institutions
But functions as a network or grass roots movement when necessary
Christianity cannot be killed because it is an idea not merely an organization

God gave us Christ too
Christ served as the perfect example of how a man should live
And as He spoke about His bride the Church a perfect woman

Christ is the best example of the good parts of masculinity
Christ was always in control
He was merciful at any cost to Himself
He made His followers stronger and more moral people

He went to hell for us literally
He was always very patient with us
He suffered for us immensely
Even though He was poorly supported by us
He fought and won but took the price on His own head

We do not know what He looked like
Or what His health was like
We do know He only lived to 33
We do know He commanded no army
Even though He surely could have
Heavenly or earthly for sure or by His command alone

Most important in His message
Was our spiritual lives
He did heal people and gave a good example of kindness
But He did hate sin because it destroys us
He made it known that life is a spiritual battle

The devil is powerful and makes things worse
But he does not control anyone’s future or anyone's actions
He is over feared for the damage he can cause
What we should really fear is our own selfishness

Selfishness is a real weakness
It is the bad part of individuality
It is what is destroying America and the entire modern world
Selfishness is where we place our needs as more important than others

Christ extended God’s invitation to every person in every time and place
In Christianity we are all truly equal
God died for everyone no matter how bad or good who truly repents

Gods system of judgment is truly revolutionary
His justice system is based on mercy and forgiveness
Until we fully forgive everyone for every bad thing they have done to us
We will never understand Christianity

As Christ said we are not of this world
We will always be misunderstood
Until we come home to God in Heaven

Why I Chose My Approach to Religion

When I was young
I engaged in debate about religion
Amateur at best
But it usually ended in anger
I often used silliness
To cover my anger
I had different views
In very subtle ways
Which I had trouble articulating
So to many I appeared to agree
At first
But later we realized
My point of view
Was very different
But I never fit into
Any established theology or philosophy

I came to the conclusion that
I was bad at forming arguments
And so gave up on apologetics
Around this time I discovered
Both Taoism and Existentialism
The Philosophical and Christian ones
I realized that if I could
Shift my discussions to a less emotional approach
The outcomes were better
No one won or lost
Because I had decided not to
Try to prove any point
I found this kind of discussion
More interesting and useful for everyone

I had grown up in a church
In which I found a similar approach
From a kind of hybrid Evangelical-Quaker church
To merely lead people in the direction of thinking about religion
And letting God work on their soul and draw them to His conclusions
At that time I realized that many of the different aspects to my approach
That many saw as merely creative
Was actually well articulated by these 2 philosophies I was learning

See philosophy is very much about debate
But both Taoism and Existentialism are both based on paradox
As are most basic doctrines of the Bible
They are not your typical kind of philosophy
They would be described as anti-philosophies
That is likely why they are more read than other philosophers
These issues are often not the ones theologians wrestle about

I realized the things that bothered me
About the Church, America, and the school system were all similar
I very much believed in the Church, God and the Bible
But I had a different philosophical perspective on these things
Maybe a better word would be a more mystical approach
My problem with society was not with any one group or any one issue
I challenge the very foundation on how our society was built

I was not against the Bible
I was against the modern world
I challenged not the Church but reason itself
I realized that as is said in First Corinthians that Christianity is not about wisdom (of the Greeks) or the miracles (of the Jews)
It was all about choice
There was nothing to prove and no one to convince
Salvation by faith in Christ makes perfect sense and believing in God is natural
And required no intellectual defense
I am still putting together the pieces over time

What I aim to do is to change the philosophical assumptions about reality and life
I have set out to unite those 2 different philosophical schools - one Asian and the other European
I reject the Enlightenment and Aristotle and Plato not God or the Bible
I believe that the primary way we should understand God and the Bible is choice
Not by reason or by signs and wonders
Is mysticism art or intuition or a kind of foreknowledge of God

When you think of the faith of Job or Abraham
Neither had the Bible and Christianity would not exist for millennia
But faith in God was very much alive and all the concepts and supernatural reality of Christianity already true
Abraham and Job were both saved by the death and resurrection of Christ
The Bible is very important to my faith and is the only thing in which I believe is absolutely true
But this is all gravy
People believed in God long before they had the Bible

Belief in God is natural
What is unnatural is the modern world
What interferes with submission to God’s will
Is our thinking we can make an ideal society when the belief in Christ is up for debate
Modern society is the evil empire of the devil called Mystery Babylon in the Bible
The devil’s fundamental sin philosophically stated was arrogance
When our society thinks we can do anything at all without God
This is spiritual rebellion on a international scale

This kind of rebellion is what the modern world is based on
A big part of this is the way we glorify science and reason to the place of God in our society and personal lives
We say fact is true and opinion is false
I aim to provide a parallel way of understanding God and religion
That does not change the truths of the Bible
But cleanly separates Americana and the Enlightenment from Christianity

I aim to share my ideas with people that already agree with me
I challenge no one
God will challenge you if you decide not to believe in Him

Making a Life Plan

What is the key to success
In any endeavor
Stubbornness

Every negative-sounding quality
Has a positive aspect to it
And the reverse is also true

People tend to be negative on stubbornness
Because it keeps people from doing
What they want others to do

Why am I still not giving up
On this project I started
Over 2 decades ago now
Stubbornness is the most accurate reason

It is not a pretty trait
Many traits are useful
And the key is to controlling them
And not letting them control you

The biggest problem of why thing aren’t done
Is because people fail to commit to and complete them
It is kind like will power and a kind of discipline
There are many times you should listen to others
But there are some times you should not

How do you know the difference
Consulting the Bible and praying are a good start
That you have already worked on something for a while
Is also a good sign that it is worth completing
You have to know when to cut your loses as well

The difference is that life will make it possible
Or you will be kept from doing it by everything
God does not leave these things to chance
Jonah tried to evade God
So God forced him using a miracle

The best way to start is to find something that you find compelling
That is not a vice and does not hurt you or anyone else
If it also alleviates your or someone else’s pain
You are to a good start

Not everyone
Actually very few
Have time to do more than work and raise their kids
This is a very important one
But not everyone has that option either

I think picking one thing you can do
And keeping to it
As long as no one is getting hurt in the process
Is where to start

Ultimately the goal of everyone should be to glorify God
The second thing is we have a big time issue
We have eternity at one end and a very short time period on the other
We have to weigh in the eternal things as a bigger focus
Your life really does not start until after you die

So in light of eternity and factoring in what you can do
Decide what to do over time
But do not worry too much about it
Because God is always primarily in control
Not us

And He leaves little to chance or human decision
If it is something that has to be done one way
The other thing to consider is that there are very few things
That have to be done one way

God is creative and combining this with service for God
By helping others out of unnecessary pain
Is a noble type of life focus

As we understand God and spiritual things best through faith
You have to realize you may see no effect in your lifetime
But God can and does use even poorly designed things to great effect

It is ironic that God can always do a better job than us at anything
God even makes a more believable person than us as well
But He still chooses to use people especially ones without the proper skills

All in all focus on your eternal life not this one
Save people in both lives and from suffering in each
But realize whatever you create can fall apart

You have to do your best to preserve your efforts
But ultimately it is God’s choice alone as to how long
Or in what ways what you create is used

In my project that I have been working on for over 20 years
I started writing and working on my website
As I needed to stay away from (toxic) chemicals
As I had a sensitivity from the military

I had done poorly in school
After coming back from the military
But had not yet been diagnosed with Schizophrenia yet

I was trying to find another type of career
As I hated Business Management so much at that time
Although I think running a business is one of the greatest challenges
And I would find it much more interesting to study today

So I switched to another good career choice
Writing in the form of Journalism
Which is a very poor career now
It is on the verge of being entirely done by software
But shorty after this I was diagnosed with a mental illness

I have tried many times to learn programming
But never succeed because it stresses me out too much
And one of the keys to getting the medicine working
Is to also have a low stress lifestyle
Otherwise the medicine is cancelled out by the stress

But I continue to get ideas to write about to this day
That is the key to writing well is to writing when inspired
Especially when you want to keep your stress low

Writing as a way of communicating is on the way out as well
Everything has been going to video online for years
The only thing that slowed it down was how slow the pipes were
Just like TV overtaking reading when I was a kid

Video has overtaken written content online a long time ago
Even tiny devices do not discourage video consumption
I have also considered using video and multimedia as a way to communicate
I have found that mixed media is a lot of work and not ideal for anyone
Video experimentation online for me has been limited by the fees involved

I have also got interested in making things efficient
And reaching as many people as possible
Who don’t have the most expensive devices

In areas with really poorly built infrastructure
In far away places like rural America
And downtown in major American cities